My Story by Harrison Smith

There are a few moments in my life that have caused such a great change within me that I often reflect upon them. I have come to believe that this is a story I must share with those I love. Ever since I had a change in my heart nothing has been the same. In those moments I came to understand who I was and the reality of Jesus Christ as my redeemer and the Savior of all men. Everything that is good that has happened to me in my life can be traced back to a few experiences in my youth. Those simple but powerful events have been a catalyst to every major choice I have made in my life to include going on a mission, who I marry, what occupation to pursue, and so on. My hope is that somehow this story might help others not make the same mistakes that I did, and that they might feel the joy and walk in the light of the gospel from as early a point as possible in their life.

I can recall the first time I felt the Holy Ghost as a primary child. I was maybe 7 or 8 years of age. I was in a stake primary choir for some special meeting. We sang the “The Spirit of God,” and I felt the warm rush of the spirit come over me. I didn’t really know what it meant, or what God was trying to tell me. I knew it was good. I was in Middle School, probably 6^th grade or so, when I had my first miraculous experience with prayer. I had lost my art homework. I knelt down next to my bed, and asked God to help me find my homework. I got up from the prayer and felt guided to walk to the front room, lift up an object, and there it was. Throughout most of my childhood I could answer most questions in my Sunday school classes, and I tried to live by what I had been taught. It was as early as 6^th grade or 7^th grade that I had to begin defending my faith to those who would debate with me about religion.

After my 7^th grade year, I moved from Ft. Campbell, KY to Savannah, GA. That is where I faced decisions that I was not quite ready for. Looking back now I realize one of the most important decisions I ever made was who I chose to have as my friends. I quickly became friends with boys that did not keep the standards I had been taught. I was shocked at first. I didn’t know that kids in middle school were involved in breaking the word of wisdom or immorality.  I wrote in my journal that I was the designated driver of the group. I tried to maintain my standards despite being in an environment where those around me continually broke those same standards. I did not stand in Holy Places, because of the actions of those around me. Overtime my strength to do what was right deteriorated due to peer pressure, and principally pressure to impress a girl. The first time I knowingly broke a commandment, although it was very small, I didn’t feel guilt. I felt a rush of excitement. Although exciting, the consequences of choosing that path would pain me the rest of my life. Indeed, from that time forward, I began to get further and further from the goodness that I had been taught as boy. My attitude and entire life changed when I made these choices. I became very concerned with my clothes and how I looked. I had to live a life of secrets, and so I lied about anything to get what I wanted.  The way I treated my family was shameful, and I often argued with my parents and was often unkind with my siblings. I allowed things into my mind through looking and listening to things that were filthy, and almost as a natural consequence I chose to use language that was filthy. I became just like the friends I had previously been resisting to become like. All I really cared about was playing sports, spending time with these friends, and the current girl of interest. I never realized the destructive path I was on.   

One day at mutual, we were asked to write down our testimonies on a sheet of paper. My mother asked me about the paper, which had only one sentence on it, “I don’t think I have one.” I reaffirmed that I didn’t think I had a testimony and then I went on my way. I had forgotten everything I had learned as a boy. I had turned far from the lit path of the gospel, but rather was walking with friends in the darkness. I didn’t know it, but that life of excitement in the darkness was a life of bondage and the longer I stayed there the more ensnared I would become. I am positive that God had mercy on me at this time, because of the prayers of my parents and as a blessing from my brother serving as a full-time missionary. When I would attend church, seminary, or mutual and the impact of being in a good home with righteous parents, flashes of light would come into my life, and I would want to do better.  Internal conflict and struggle ensued as I desired one thing, but would return to unwholesome behavior.  Through a slow process after a year and a half from the time I chose to knowingly disobey, I made a New Year’s (2001) commitment to try to do what was right. This was in the middle of my 9^th grade year. I tried to get my life right and repent as well. Although I didn’t go through the proper repentance process I desired to abstain from wickedness and try to be good. I still hung out with the same friends in the same bad places, I just made an effort not to participate. It was not enough, but it was a place to start as God prepared me for the most important summer of my life.  During the beginning of the year 2001 I began to meet some new people. I was encouraged to go to the youth musical practice. The youth from my ward who had always been good examples to me were there and they introduced me to other youth from the Stake. I really enjoyed spending time with these youth. They became my friends as we learned songs from the previous year’s EFY soundtrack to perform at Pioneer day.  

That summer, my good friend, Matt Cawley and I decided to go to EFY at Emory University along with many of my new friends I had made in the stake. Matt and I roomed together. We had a great time getting to know our group of guys and girls. I even enjoy the religious classes that we attended. I was having real fun with great people doing wholesome things. We even did a little service by writing our testimonies and sending letters to missionaries. One day while I was eating in the cafeteria, a girl from the volleyball camp asked us questions, I felt like God helped open my mouth to share the gospel.  Well…when we initially thought about going to EFY we assumed the dances would be the best part, but it turned out that Thursday was the best part of the week. We spent the day in church dress. We all had missions and learned about them, and even practiced the first discussion. Later in the day Bro. Stuart, the director, gave a great talk where I felt the Spirit more than I had ever before in my life. We sang the Youth Medley and the Spirit continued to hit me. The Spirit was strong the entire night as we went to a testimony meeting where my good friend simply wept beside me as the Spirit touched his heart. Later that night Matt and I would bear our testimonies with our little group of guys. We had found the beginnings of our testimonies of the Savior and his gospel, and our lives would never be the same again. It was strange, that it was hard to leave EFY after a week, but I wasn’t the same person that showed up, and I would miss the people that shared that week with me. 

Less than a week later I found myself at youth conference for the Savannah, Ga Stake. The first day Bro. Bradford gave a lesson and brought me up to the front of the room that was full of the entire stake youth. He asked me to comment on a picture of the Savior knocking on a door. I didn’t have anything good to say, but I remember the lesson he conveyed of the need to open the door and let Christ into our lives. It just so happens, that is exactly what I did over the course of that Youth Conference. By the end of Bro. Bradford’s lesson I realized I had not properly repented and knew in my mind I wasn’t clean. Throughout the remainder of the conference, I continued to thrive off of spending time with the other youth and leaders in the Stake. I felt at home with these people. I enjoyed every bit of youth conference to include the classes and service we did. The last day of youth conference I began the day by fasting, and then we conducted the royal walk where we ended up in the chapel for a testimony meeting. For the first time in my life the spirit touched me so strongly that it made me weep as I listened to the testimonies of my friends. I hadn’t ever experienced anything this powerful and so wonderful in my entire life. I was feeling the joy of the gospel, the love of God. I was being filled with his light, and from that day forward I would see the world in a different light.  I felt prompted to bear my testimony, and although I bawled through the whole thing, I knew with a surety that the things I had been taught all my life were true. It was an amazing feeling that I will never forget, and one that the world cannot duplicate. There was nothing that the world could give me that could bring me more joy. All in one day, I had had the most joyous experience of my life and the most enlightening experience of my life. Truth and light had penetrated me to my core, and I had become born again in Christ.

The next day at church, I told my Dad that I had sinned and didn’t want to pass or prepare the sacrament. I felt I was unworthy to do so. I sat there on the pew and cried so hard. I wanted to be forgiven of my sins. I knew I was in bondage. I needed the Savior. I could not rescue myself. I had felt the joy of the gospel, but I knew I could not partake of the blessings of the atonement. After church my Father took me to see the Bishop, who lovingly talked to me about how I could find forgiveness through Christ.  I received council to read my scriptures, and pray every day, as well as fast.  I left his office willing to do whatever it took and wait however long it took until I knew I was forgiven. He told me I would know when I had been forgiven of my sins, and until then the blessings of the gospel and being a priesthood holder were withheld from me. I vowed in my heart to never make those same mistakes again. That day July 22^nd 2001, I wrote in my journal, “Today was the Day I changed my life.”

 I began to make changes in my life. I broke up with the girl I was dating, after reading in Alma 3 which came as an answer to whether I should continue to date her. I didn’t hang out with those old friends anymore. In my journal on 25 July 2001 I wrote, “Well I feel very alone in the sense of friends here. Now that I’m picking wisely. It is hard, but he never said it would be easy. I love Christ, God, and Holy Ghost.” I craved spending more time with my friends from the stake youth. My relationship with my family became so much better. I became so much more open with them and I realized how good and wonderful they were.  Spiritual experiences became part of my life as I began to develop a habit of studying the scriptures, praying, and writing in my journal. I started to desire my friends to have the blessings of the gospel in their life. I fasted at church and waited patiently for the day I would be forgiven. On August 10^th, 2001 it was a normal day of running and then working on reports for summer reading. As I was working on my reports I heard a song come on the radio which I started to sing along to…. The song is called Rosemary’s Granddaughter by Jessica Andrews. 

          

“If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am…”

           Before the song was even over I felt overcome with emotion and the Holy Ghost. My tears flowed as I prayed to my God. In that moment I knew I had been forgiven. I was so happy. It will be a day I never forget. In my journal I wrote, “Today was the best day of my life so far. Thank you Lord for making this possible. I love [God], his son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. I am clean now. I have learned a lot, but will learn much more in the years to come.”

The song was true… that summer I came to know who I really was. I had become born again. I saw the world differently. I had come to know the reality of the Jesus Christ, for he took away my sins even though I had done nothing to deserve it. I knew that he had done everything to rid them from my life. He not only took my sins, but has blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Truly since that time I have kept those daily habits, and the spirit continues to bring truth and light into my life which allows me to keep growing. Opportunities to help others find God like I did, bring me unparalleled joy.

Throughout that whole summer I grew to love all those youth and youth leaders who shared those experiences with me and were so influential in helping me find my way to God. Even to this day I find myself so grateful to my Savior for what he has done for me, but also for those friends who walked with me during the summer that would be the catalyst for the rest of my life.    

On 12 August 2001, I told my Bishop the exciting news. He gave me a hug and told me I could now use my priesthood and partake of the sacrament. That day and every day since the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ have been in my life. The next day would be my first day of 10^th grade and the rest of my life. 

- Harrison H. Smith